I’m not sure if I’ve done this before at The Gilmore Guide but I’m going to break from books and share something personal—a holiday story. This year feels more fraught with negativity than any I can remember in a long time. And not in my little life but in the country and world at large. There is so much noise and so little of it is positive. This is my Christmas past, recapped from my journal (and edited for length because I write a lot of detail in my journal!).
In 2007, we lived in Utah and I had a job I loved as a pharmaceutical librarian. Unfortunately, the company went bankrupt and despite my best efforts, after 6 months I had no job leads and my unemployment benefits had run out. I had never been without a job before and this plus the fact that Utah was a difficult place for me for a number of reasons left me very stressed and depressed. I had expanded my job search to the Pacific Northwest so when a dear friend who lived in Portland offered me his apartment for a few days before Christmas I decided to go and scope out the city and job opportunities.
Because of my money fears, I was very frugal—buying groceries and cooking, but I decided that on Christmas Eve I would splurge on a nice meal. I found a restaurant nearby that was lovely and looked special enough for Christmas Eve dinner alone. Blonde wood, lots of candles, high ceilings, wine bottles along the wall. Everything warm and glow-y. Here I was going to let go of all my fears about a job and money. The best way to start seemed to be champagne (isn’t it always?!) so I decided to order a glass. As I waited for my meal I sat back and listened to the conversations around me, everyone happy, friends meeting up, and couples celebrating the holiday.
In between my salad and my entrée, a woman came in and was seated across from me at another table for two. I thought we must be in the singles row. She looked a bit like Diane Keaton with streaked short hair, very well put together. She pulled out a book and started reading. I noticed that she did the same things I do to keep her hands free- balance a knife or saucer on the spine of the book to hold it open. As our meals progressed I looked at this woman on and off and thought that it could be me in 10 years and that would be just fine. She was at ease being alone and so was I. I was completely in the moment, happy to listen to the people next to me, watch the people around me, and enjoy my surroundings.
After my meal, I decided to keep up the extravagance and order a rich holiday dessert—pear and fig bread pudding. The woman across from me finished and left. I wished I’d been braver and asked her what she was reading, but also felt as if it might be intruding. I finished my delicious dessert and was perfectly relaxed and content. The waitress, Heather, came over to clear my plate and said, “I have something to tell you.” I asked what and she asked if I noticed the woman across from me. I said yes and hesitated. She said, “Well, she paid for your entire meal, including my tip. You can leave whenever you want.” I was stunned and could not speak. Finally, I said, “Wait, what?! What do you mean? Why would she do that?” She said the woman told her that I looked happy and was taking care of myself by ordering champagne and dessert. Then she said that the woman said, “She reminds me of myself when I was younger.” I could not breathe. I touched the waitress’ arm and said, “No! I was looking at her thinking that could be me in 10 years and I would be just as happy.” By now both of us had tears in our eyes. I said I could not believe someone would do something like that. Heather squeezed my hand and I got up to leave. When I got outside it was snowing, unusual for Portland, but big, soft white flakes. I started to cry. Who would do such a kind thing for a stranger? I had let go of my fear and worry and was prepared to pay for a special meal and instead someone gave me this gift. I am satiated with delicious food and champagne and humbled by a stranger’s generosity. I am deeply deeply touched and grateful.
A lovely little miracle, right? All true. I had forgotten it until I had a chance to do a small act of kindness for a stranger yesterday and she was so touched she hugged me. It made me happier than any gift and I remembered when a stranger was kind to me. It’s not much, but I hope that not only does each and every person reading this have something wonderful happen to them VERY soon, but that you do the same for someone else. There is a lot of anger and ignorance out there right now and even a smile to someone who looks or sounds different than you do could make a difference in their day. It’s called kindness and we simply do not have enough of it anymore.
Happy holidays, everyone, I am so grateful for your support of my blog.
Thank you for this beautiful story. Kindness to one another in small ways does make a difference. We all need to be reminded of that.
That is the BEST story! I love it. And – I also share your love of meals alone in restaurants with a book. I had one last week when I had to make up my babysitter’s hours since we would be out of town for awhile 🙂 And – you’ve definitely got me curious about what she was reading.
If you don’t stop acting like me, I’m going to freak out because of course I had to know what she was reading! The story was so long I left out a lot of details. I did watch her enough to see a partial title and then I tracked it down and read it. It is The Long Quiet Highway: Waking Up in America by Natalie Goldberg- a woman’s journey as a Zen Buddhist. It’s a lovely book.
I love stories of people spreading kindness and cheer! Thanks for sharing!
YES! I love this so much. We’ve filled out holiday with giving to each other and to others this year in Greyson’s absence, and it’s things like this that make the holidays glow. I’m all teary. 🙂
Thanks, Andi!I felt the same way, especially as it seems like everything around us is telling us to shut down, look away, be afraid. I’m trying harder than ever to smile and just be kind.
What a fabulous story, Catherine. I’m so happy you shared it. I’ve never lost a job, but I can relate to the money fears. I come by them honestly, and no matter how well I’m doing I always feel a day away from joblessness and homelessness. So I understand a bit how difficult evenings like yours can be. I was trying to guess where the story was heading and envisioned you striking up a conversation with that woman who would then offer you a job. I think the real story is much better. What a lovely act of human kindness. It made me well up just reading it, and it’s a good reminder to us all that there are good people out there and we do need to work a bit harder at doing kind things for ourselves. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Oh, I hear you, Lauren! A job has never materialized and I’ve had to adjust my ‘identity’, I guess you could say. Thankfully, I have a husband who shoulders most of our finances, but money fear is a hard thing to let go of. I hope you have a wonderful, peaceful Christmas!
All the best to you Catherine! Thank you for this lovely story. Kindness is the best gift in both giving and receiving, it can be a wonderful time of year but it succeeds at being peculiar, Keep looking for the positive – it’s out there, but like an introvert, it doesn’t draw attention.
You too, Jean! We’re overdue for a visit! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. Big hug!
Catherine, I love this story so much–it truly made my heart happy to read today. Thank you so much for sharing. Merry Christmas to you!
Definitely getting a little weepy over here – what a fantastic story.
I love everything about this. I’ve got goose bumps and tears are threatening. Merry Christmas, you lovely, wonderful woman. And Merry Christmas to that kind stranger. And Merry Christmas to champagne and dessert. Tis the season to indulge!
Thanks for stopping by, Katie! I still get teary thinking about it 8 years later.
Thank you Catherine for sharing this story. I, too, am trying to focus on the joy and gratitude in the little things when surrounded by the larger distractions of doom and gloom. And those little moments of kindness are huge to others, as you have remembered this many years later. Thanks!
I’ve been lucky in that I’ve had 3 separate instances this month where I could do something nice for a stranger and it is amazing how good it feels. More focus on that and less on our ‘differences’ and the world would be more peaceful.
What a lovely story! This year just about did me in, but I am hopeful that things can get better (and reading this reinforces that notion). Happy holidays!
I think it’s been hard for a lot of people- both personally and because of the unrelenting negativity in the world around us. I don’t always succeed but I’m trying to make a smile and kindness my default.
Oh my gosh – the tears! Such a beautiful story. I saw a saying the other day that said, “Be the person you needed when you were younger.” I love it. Thanks for sharing.
Marvelous story, Catherine. I love random acts of kindness, and I love that you were inspired to pay it forward. If we each did that, we could make a wonderful difference in the world.
Thank you, Jackie. I try and keep it in mind. I don’t always succeed but it makes me happy when I do.
Beautiful. Thank you. 🙂
You may need to go back there in 2017 (10 years later) and see what happens! Magic!
That is such a great idea! We did go the next year and even though Heather wasn’t there, when I asked our waitress about her she said, “Oh, you’re THAT woman?! Oh my gosh, we still tell that story here!”
Oh my word, what a beautiful, meaningful story. Thank you for sharing this, truly. (((hug)))
Thank you for that wonderful story that also left me teary-eyed. I love to eat alone in a restaurant with a good book and a special glass of wine. Back in the days when I had to attend those large science conferences, I would beg off from the huge dinners and then find a place that I could go to eat alone, read and recharge myself.
I was the same way at sales conferences! I hope you’re doing well.
I still remember that Christmas and your trip to Portland, and I loved read about it again.
Thanks for sharing, it is so touching to have a special connection with someone in the world like that … makes me all the more grateful everyday for small kindnesses. Happy holidays, Catherine!
WOW! Gosh, I really want to be that lady when I grow up; I don’t mean than in a condescending or disrespectful way, I’m just blown away by her capacity to see herself in you (and vice versa, it seems!) and to share a kind gesture to acknowledge that recognition. Thank you for sharing this story, Catherine; hope you had a lovely Christmas holiday.
I twas so unusual that I was thinking the same thing about her that she was thinking about me. A very special and unexpected night. I only wish that I could have talked to her.