Not my usual Monday post, but my head is overflowing with thoughts these days and it’s getting harder to push them away. I decided to trust myself (and all of you) by writing today about something other than books. Namely, life outside the world of reading. It’s a leap, because I’m not a fan of oversharing or platitudes and I may veer into both in the following paragraphs.
I’m immensely grateful that my world hasn’t been upended by any of the unprecedented (I’m starting to hate that word) events in the U.S. and world of the last 6 years. But even for those of us who haven’t suffered, there’s a psychic toll exacted by a landscape that feels increasingly volatile and toxic. A new reality where the mindset of altruism and ‘the greater good’ has declined into division and ‘what’s in it for me?’. This is difficult enough to understand amongst everyday people in our communities, but when it so easily applies to the men who are supposed to be leading countries (including this one) it’s dystopian in its impact.
This pulls me in several different directions. One that feels frivolous to be spending my time posting reviews about books when there’s so much despair in the world now. That this is what I spend my time doing. Who cares about books when there is an egomaniacal dictator so unstable that the words WWIII and nuclear have entered everyday conversation?
Then there is the part that believes reading to be one of life’s essentials and that by writing my reviews I’m helping open people’s minds to places and lives they’ve never considered before. Not to mention respite for those who need to escape from reality for a bit. That this is essential to staying sane. But, is this true or just what I need to believe?
Both of these feelings collide with a more insidious feeling: Apathy. Inertia. Ennui. The fact is, sometimes it is almost impossible to dredge words from the sludge in my head to write reviews. That even something as inconsequential as a book blog is beyond my mental bandwidth. That, even though I’m safe and healthy, I have moments, even days, when all I want to do is curl up and read, not look up and out, but retreat, draw further inward into fictional worlds.
While the first two mindsets might be specific to me, I feel fairly certain the third is not. I personally know too many people who are fraying. Even as disease, war, climate change, and political upheaval are occurring, life happens and needs to be managed. Where is the mental fortitude supposed to come from when we’ve already been stretched thin by coping with so many toxic events? Especially, given a vague sense that there is worse to come.
I wish I had answers, but I don’t. If you’re in a happy place, that’s wonderful. If not, I’m saying this to myself as much as to any of you who need to hear it: You’re not wrong, this is not all right. Much of what is happening is out of our control and scary, so feeling shame because you can’t muster the person you used to be is cruel. Be kind. Be patient. To yourself and those around you. We’re all doing the best we can.
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Well said. But it’s hard to be patient and kind when so many make a point of being in your face and unkind. But maybe if we’re kind anyway, we can wear them down. After all, when toxicity is met with patience and kindness the toxicity becomes pointless and those going that route eventually are forced to give up or go elsewhere. Every now and then they may even find the grace to become embarrassed.
Agreed although embarrassment seems to be a lost concept.
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Thank you Catherine for having the courage to share this. My feelings are much the same (I recently re-posted an old discussion post called “Does reading matter?”) Lately I’ve learned a lot about trauma and our coping mechanisms and dissociation is an important one. Reading helps us to dissociate from the traumatic events that otherwise would completely invade our minds. It helps us maintain that space of inner freedom that we need to create change. Yes, it can go too far and distance us from reality, but when there really is nothing we can do in an intolerable situation sometimes escape is the best form of resistance. And writing reviews or communicating in any way, sharing our thoughts with one another, builds the bridges we need to work together for a better world. Hang in there and keep reading and writing! We are there with you.
Thank you, Lory! It’s the hope I hang onto. That for others like me reading is not only an escape but a replenishment.
Lovely post. You’ve captured in words what so many of us are feeling. I do appreciate your book reviews since they help me find books where I can escape from all that is going on for a short time. Thank you.
Thank you! It’s knowing there are readers like you out there that helps so much.
What a beautifully written post. Your thoughts are so heartfelt and I resonate deeply with them. I fear for the world I am raising my boys in and at times it feels nice to check out with a book. Writing reviews hasn’t come easy to me lately either but I am thankful that books are available for an escape when needed. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I cannot imagine having small children in this world. Your desire to protect them must feel overwhelming. I appreciate how enthusiastic you are on IG, even if you’re not feeling it. It’s a welcome reprieve.
Oh thank you for this Catherine! I needed to hear someone say this. With personal challenges and this war in Ukraine, climate crisis, etc. It’s A LOT. I too mostly just want to retreat into books! But we carry on. And we should be kind to ourselves, because we’re still here doing things and helping others even if it doesn’t feel like enough. Anyway, I’m there with you and thanks again . ❤️
You are the best! Take care of yourself.
Beautiful ❤️
Thank you.
For a whole host of reasons, this does feel like unprecedented times. However, in order to keep sane, we still need to find joy in our lives. For many people, this includes hobbies, new or old. It is absolutely not frivolous to read books and write reviews. If these activities bring you happiness, they are essential!
This is probably the first time I have left a comment, and I apologize for that. I love your book reviews! They give enough information to allow me to make an informed decision whether to add to my TBR. Your posts are something I look forward to.
I hope you shake off the “funk” soon. I live in Florida, and there are plenty of things/current events that make me upset. Sometimes, I just need to stop browsing social media for a few days and only read news headlines from trustworthy sources. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care about what is happening around me, because I really do. But for my own sanity, I need to press that pause button and focus on things that make me happy. I know that I live in the sunshine state, but spending time outdoors helps. The good news is that my garden looks better than ever!
Thank you, I love to hear from readers! Please comment on anything you read- even if you disagree. It’s what makes reading so wonderful.
I agree about social media- actually any media these days! I try to limit my exposure.
Beautifully articulated Cathy. What you do is a gift to so many avid readers, and books are probably the healthiest form of entertainment in our lives. Keep up the wonderful work! And while we can’t control what egomaniacal dictators around the globe are doing, we can influence the world for the people closest to us (family, friends, blog-readers, etc). And you are an amazing woman with an incredible mind that makes me and many others smile when we are touched by your reviews, your book recommendations and gifts (the 2 you gave me were fabulous!), your wit, or your kind words.
You are the sweetest. Thank you. I hope things are calming down for you.
I don’t know how to put into words what your amazing thoughts meant to me today. I was sure I was the only one who had lost the person they used to be!! I also had to let you know what a gift books have been during this time and book bloggers, like yourself, certainly not inconsequential. Thank you for your suggestions to love one another and ourselves. After reading it, I decided to reach out to one person and do two tasks I had been putting off. There is light at the end of the tunnel and always a good book to read. Keep up the good work!!!
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You eloquently stated what many people are feeling, I believe.
Thank yo ufor saying that. There is always the fear of whining, but I had to go with my gut.
Very timely. And appropos. Scary times.
Yes and there doesn’t seem to be a happy ending any time soon.
I whole heartedly agree with you all we can do is be the change we want to see in the world, and practice kindness even though it’s hard to do now days. Yes, it is harder and harder to get lost in a good book, and to sleep well at night with this general sense of anxiety about what the future holds.
I did have some good news today so I will share it with you. I found out that I am going to be a grandmother in late October. Thats the best news I have heard in so long!
As for your blog, I look forward to reading your reviews but don’t feel obligated to do them. Just blog when you feel like you are able to. We understand.
That is FABULOUS!!! How wonderful. You’re going to have so much fun. I’m only an aunt, but it is one of my favorite roles.
My thoughts exactly. Beautifully said
It seems to have resonated with a number of people which is good. The alone is hard. I wrote it with my mother in mind.
Yeah I’ve felt inertia … and distraction. And I’m sure my blog & reading have lagged recently b/c of it. As you said: it’s hard to get really motivated when people elsewhere are getting blown up in an unjust land takeover by a crazy dictator. I don’t know. My life is small. Sometimes we all are just getting by … by the things we choose to do and surround ourselves with. Books often offer us a glimpse beyond the madness and ignorance of awful things like violence and injustice.
Distraction is a real one. I’ve struggled with reading, but now I’m in a place where all I want to do is read, not write!